Basketball Size Tape Rolls and Free Sticks!?

There is an odd, hockey myth floating about—if you bring a ball of tape the size of a basketball to the shop you get a free stick. It's been going strong for at least 8 years. That's how long I've been hearing it at least once a month from some poor kid who has taken it for truth. I can only guess that some older kid, perhaps a one-time believer who was pranked by an older kid himself, hands the story down to the next generation. I imagine the conversation goes something like this:

FADE IN:

EXT: HOCKEY RINK – DAY

Two kids, hockey players, are waiting for a ride. The younger one is peeling the tape off of his stick. The older one puts away his phone, seems bored.

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

Hey, don't throw that tape away.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

Why not? It's not good for nothin'

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

You seriously don't know? I'll take it if you don't

want it.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

I know I can dangle better than you if I put new

tape on my stick. What do you want it for?

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

You can't even dangle in your dreams. I shouldn't

even tell you how to get a free stick with old tape.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

                                                         (jumping up and dancing about)

What! A free stick? Tell me! Tell me! You gotta tell me!

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

You're an idiot. I'm not going to tell you

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

(drops to his knees to beg)

Aw come on, you gotta tell me. Please, please, please!

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

Fine, but don't tell anyone I told you about it.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

OK

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

You have to promise. I'll pulverize you if you tell.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

Fine. I promise. Now tell me.

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

OK, here's the deal. If you bring a ball of used hockey

tape the size of a basketball to the hockey shop they

have to give you a free stick.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

(Standing up)

Really? Which hockey shop?

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

Oh, all of them do it. It's an industry requirement.

They have to recycle the tape and give you a stick

when you bring a ball that big. The EPA makes them

do it. The shops don't like people to know about it,

that's why you can't tell anyone I told you.

YOUNGER FOOLISH KID

                                                        (more dancing about)

                                               Awesome! I'm gonna tell everyone.

OLDER DEVIOUS KID

                                                          (smiles knowingly)

                                               Hey, just remember to leave my name out

FADE TO BLACK

Getting the entire community involved would make for a lot of victims in this prank

There are a couple of devious elements to this myth. First, and most obvious: there is no hockey store giving away a free stick for a ball of garbage. What would the benefit be to the store? Why would they want used tape? Anyone who thought this through, ergo anyone over the age of say 8 to 10 years, would realize that this is a hoax.

The second element is the truly clever one. A basketball sized roll of tape doesn't seem impossibly large. A basketball isn't something we think of a big or heavy. However, if you put this into perspective, the amount of tape in a thirty-inch circumference ball is pretty staggering. My best estimate is that the ball would take approximately 100 rolls of tape to complete. The total length of tape in such a ball would be in the ballpark of a mile and a half long.

So let's put all of this into a final perspective. The end goal of this myth is to prank the younger foolish kid into hauling around an ever growing ball of trash. If he miraculously makes it to the end, he has a ball which takes up about a third of his hockey bag and weighs almost twenty five pounds. When he lugs it into the hockey shop his reward will be a blank stare followed by the people behind the counter asking him, “Who told you that kid?”

Of course the kids can never answer the question when they come in the shop. It's always, “I just heard,” or “someone told me.” The only flaw in the prank is the perpetrator of it misses the final letdown. For the poor kid who has collected tape for five years, begging scraps from his teammates and carried significant extra tonnage in his bag the only bit of grace is that the older devious kid isn't about to laugh at him.

Anyway, here's the deal from my end. We don't give away free sticks for tape balls. However, if you bring your old tape in the shape and size of an adult hockey stick to the shop. We will give you a free basketball. (Please note the important details below):

1. Your tape stick must feature a shaft length of at least 52 inches
2. The blade may be left or right handed, but must feature the authentic Ovechkin curve. We will measure the lie, depth and curve of the stick to verify
3. You must unravel and re-assemble the tape stick in the presence of a shop employee so that we can verify the stick was indeed made completely of tape
4. Your tape stick must have a flex rating of at least 65
5. You must bring your sales receipts showing purchase of at least 75 rolls of tape from Rocket Skate
6. Your basketball will be delivered to your provided mailing address as we do not stock basketballs. Shipping time will take anywhere from 5 days to 18 years. We cannot be responsible for items lost in transit

As long as we're on the subject of tape, we're still carrying the same top quality tape, but our prices have been reduced. Clear and White are now $2.50 a roll and Black is only $3 a roll (those prices are even more awesome that you think because they include tax).

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© 2015 Scott Noble. All Rights reserved. Reproduction of this article in whole or part is strictly prohibited without the author's prior express written permission.